Notable traits:

*can be hypersensitive to actual or perceived criticism

* Unclear as to what they want – just for things to be better

* Often resist feedback from their therapist/counsellor or nitpick for faults

* Usually oppose most suggestions

* Complain that their significant other makes unreasonable demands on them and do not take a proactive role in their relationship/s

Possible underlying problems:

*Perhaps they had critical parents/authority figures early in life – hence they are sensitive to being judged on whatever they do

*Maybe a lot of painful disappointments in their life. So they minimise their own hopes and expectations so that they are not disappointed.

*Result:  they won’t celebrate special occasions, give compliments or engage in any joint activities, keeping themselves restricted so that they are not disappointed.

What can partners/close friends do

Passive aggressive people don’t go after their own wishes directly. They expect you to work that out. So their partner/friend needs to draw them out and ask them to discuss what would make them happier.  (This can be frustrating at times but persevere.)  The partner’s interest in their wishes or what makes them happy may come as a surprise them.  But let them know that you are on their side, not against them.

As you persevere, try not to nag or be judgemental of them as you work to discover their needs and wants.  You want them to open up as you show that you care.

Give your passive-aggressive partner lots of positive strokes. Show appreciation for the small things they may do as the relationship improves.

While the above seems obvious, it can be difficult to do. So keep persevering and building trust.